Stranger: Dare?
You: Chris!
You: Hey, man! How's it going? :D
Stranger: Good, good. You? :)
You: I have been trolling Tumblr.
You: There's some pretty crazy shit going on there. Hahahahaha!
Stranger: Oh no, that's just asking for trouble. Haha.
You: Trouble is my middle name. >:D
Stranger: I thought it was Everett? :P
You: That's what I always thought "Everett" meant in Irish.
You: Your family's Irish, too. What do you think?
You: Hey, when you wore that "LIKES IRISH BOYS", you were talking about liking yourself, weren't you? :3
Stranger: Everett stands for 'brave', Dare.
Stranger: Maybe...I admit nothing. :-P
Stranger: Though, you're only PART irish.
You: Aww, shit. I always thought "Everett" meant "trouble". My mom always said that I make trouble wherever I go.
Stranger: That's just you, Dare. Accept it. ;)
You: Then again, she's a Filipina. I should've known her translation wouldn't be accurate. She doesn't speak Irish. Then again, neither does Dad.
Stranger: Google is a wonderus thing, how do you think I knew it?
You: I don't know. You talk circles around me in French. It's not fair, really.
You: Who knows what kinds of obscenities you've been masking under the language of LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURV?
Stranger: -facepalm; None that you haven't heard before.
You: Er, isn't the spelling "wondrous"? They must pay your editors tons of money. :P
You: Hmph. It's not polite to cuss at people when they can't understand you. What if I did that to you in Italian or Filipino, huh? What then?
You: Besides, why'd you want to hurt my feelings?! :(
Stranger: Shush, you. And I wouldn't mind, I can't forsee me doing anything to make you wanna curse at me out. And I don't wanna hurt your feelings or anyone elses. <3
You: Cool!
You: So, about that Diet Coke ad...
Stranger: Or lord.
You: Does that mean that you're going to give me free Diet Cokes all the time now?
You: And doesn't Coca Cola own Minute Maid?
Stranger: Don't I already?
Stranger: I think so...
You: Maybe you can put in a good word for me. I wouldn't mind a few container vans of apple juice every month :D
Stranger: Haha, I'll see what I can do.
Stranger: What are you on? You haven't been drinking Red Bull again, have you?
You: Yeah, but now you can give me MORE Diet Cokes!!! It's gonna be totally awesome if they can bring us apple juice! It's like the best thing ever!
You: Nope. I'm just coasting along on a few Diet Cokes. They have caffeine, ya know.
Stranger: Cause after the long day we had on set, how are you not exhausted?!
You: A full schedule is like crack to me.
You: One day, nobody's going to want me on their show. I need to do as much as I can for as long as I can.
Stranger: I'm like...dead. I don't plan on getting out of bed til noon tomorrow.
You: Like Heidi Klum said, one day you're in, the next day, you're OUT.
You: It's TRUTH, man! TRUTH!
Stranger: And of course you'll be wanted somewhere, even after Glee. You're like super talented and awesome.
You: Why else would Heidi freaking Klum say it?!
You: Haha. Yeah. I own StarKid, so I will at least be self-employed.
You: Or I could beg you for jobs when you're this big film magnate and stuff.
Stranger: I <3 Starkid so bad. I nearly pissed myself watching the new B@man show.
You: Can I tell you a secret?
Stranger: Mm?
You: I'm not too crazy about it.
Stranger: Aw, come on. It's funny.
Stranger: In a cheezy way.
You: Maybe I'm just nitpicky because Nick and Matt didn't allow me to write the music.
Stranger: Well, you've been busy.
You: Now and again I wanted to tweak a few bars, change a few lyrics, but I can't.
Stranger: Awww, well at least you'll be apart of the third Harry Potter musical.
You: I'd also have loved to be in it, like, as an extra, at least.
Stranger: And I am writing you a part in my next screenplay.
You: Yeah, there is THAT. I wonder how people will react to Harry getting rid of the 'fro?
Stranger: Crap, Brain is attacking me. I need to feed him. Be right back.
You: Will we be making out in your next screenplay?
Stranger: Brian*
You: Because I am not going to join your cast unless you give me some kissing scenes with you. That's not how I Klaine-roll. :3
You: Sure. *whistles*
You: ...
You: Maybe I should buy a canary.
You: Then I will name him Tweety. His middle name shall be Pavarotti, though. Like, of course!
You: Then I will teach him that song from THE HUNGER GAMES.
You: You know, that 4-note song.
You: Chris?
You: CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You: DON'T LEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
You: ...
You: What's that cat got that I don't, huh?
You: Huh?
You: Huh?
You: CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You: HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You: oh, good. I thought you'd left.
Stranger: Dude, wait. The cat can't feed itself...and yes go buy a bird. Haha.
You: btw, just in case. I am darrenista on tumblr :D
You: Okay, back to business.
Stranger: lmfao
You: For a brief horrifying second I thought of feeding my pet bird to Brian.
You: I need brain bleach.
You: You got some?!
You: By pet bird, I meant my hypothetical pet canary.
You: Not whatever you were thinking you dirty old man in a young, succulent body. :D
You: I love that word, "succulent". It sounds so sinful.
Stranger: Ok, for someone whose supposedly straight, you seem somewhat flirty. :P
You: I'm an equal opportunity flirt. :D
You: I remember when I visited Manila in 2010.
You: I managed to flirt with every single one of my fans there.
Stranger: Haha, did you get laid?
You: Two hundred fans at a meet and greet. :D
You: No, silly. Teenage girls. Nobody was lega.
You: legal.*
Stranger: Ah.
Stranger: They arn't all teens though, I've run into fans in their late 20's.
You: Besides, there was this one kid who looked like the Asian version of you. Quite disconcerting. You have an almost-lookalike who lives literally half a world away.
You: Yeah... but I didn't have to settle for an almost lookalike, not when I could look forward to seeing the real deal every day. Eh, Colfer? Am I getting good? Huh? Huh?
Stranger: You're a goober.
You: And you have no comebacks. :P
Stranger: Because I'm sleep deprived and I'm trying to keep up with what're your typing. :P
You: You should've joined us at Coachella. I'd have loved to cover you in paint. :D
You: And a lot of other things besides... like glitter! :D
Stranger: Dare, I was at the festival. Couldn't be helped. But you looked cute all painted up.
You: Shit. It was all that weed smoke.
You: I was high from second hand smoke!!!
You: How fair is that?!
Stranger: That would have been histarical to witness.
You: hysterical
You: I bet they pay your editors buckets of money.
You: You need to learn how to spell. :P
Stranger: Shush! -dies;
You: Hey, wait a minute!!!
You: Isn't your next screenplay about a looney bin?!
Stranger: ...maybe.
You: You were going to make me a crazy person?!
You: Sweet!!!
You: What are my symptoms?
Stranger: Well you are crazy. You basically are bugs bunny come to life.
You: Wow, that'll be such a departure from how I normally am! I am like, the sanest person ever!
You: I'm not crazy. I'm very, very sane.
You: Ask my mother. No, not her. Ask Chuck! No, not him. Ask Dad! Nope... hmm...
Stranger: What does the mad-hatter always say?
You: Care for tea?
Stranger: We're all mad here. Including you.
You: Wow... that's a little frightening...
You: What if we are all mad.
You: ?
Stranger: Dare, calm down. It's just a quote.
You: I am starting to mellow out. I think I am running out of sugar.
Stranger: Thank god, I was beginning to think you were going to explode.
You: Well, sometimes, I do think that we ARE all a little mad.
You: The things we care about aren't always in alignment to what's logical, reasonable, or organic.
Stranger: Agreed.
You: Like, my brother's in a band, but there are some days when he actually can't stand music.
You: That's just not logical.
Stranger: I love my job, but some days I just wanna stay home in bed. It happens to everyone.
You: It never happens to me, though.
Stranger: Speaking of which...
You: For some reason, this one trip to Manila plays back in my mind and reminds me of how strange I probably must be.
Stranger: What are you gonna do next season without me?
You: I was jetlagged, I was running a fever, and I was almost sniveling into my shirt, but all I wanted to do was sing.
Stranger: Aww, that sucks.
You: Not as much as next season will suck without you.
You: Did you open that big box I sent to your trailer?
You: I got you an airbed.
You: You looked super uncomfy on those chairs.
Stranger: <3 I know I'll be in a few episodes. Wait, what?! I didn't see no...wow, ok thanks Dare. I didn't even see the box because I didn't stop at my trailer this evening before I left.
You: I am okay sleeping without a mattress. Did I ever tell you about that time when I went to Comic-Con and Joey and I were basically homeless because he didn't book a hotel?
You: We slept in the car. I felt like I was Jewel. Except, you know. I have a junk.
Stranger: Haha, sounds adventurous.
You: Don't mention the airbed. It was like, $25, and they had a two for one offer.
You: I am totally using mine as a flotation device. :D
You: Yay big pool toy!
You: I think I'm starting to have a sugar rush again. I opened a new can of Diet Coke. Thanks for these, BTW.
Stranger: Harry's pool part was so fun!
Stranger: party
You: Imagine falling asleep on an airbed floating in a pool though. That's some serious rocking action, man.
Stranger: Waterbed, I always wanted one.
You: I wish my parents' house in San Francisco had a pool.
You: Thing is, it was atop a hill. We'd have just drowned our neighbors. :-(
Stranger: Not good.
You: Nope
You: So I just settled for the pool at school.
You: We didn't have a swim team, but anyone with a student ID could just jump in and dog paddle or whatever.
You: The Jesuits were liberal about that sorta thing.
Stranger: Well now you have money, buy a place with a pool.
You: Actually, they've been pretty congratulatory about the whole Blaine thing.
Stranger: Or buy a gym membership that has a pool.
You: I don't have the time to swim.
Stranger: Well good! You deserve it, you are fantastic at Blaine.
You: Yeah, it's just not the kind of thing you expect from Jesuit priests. :D
You: I'm fortunate in that my former teachers understand that love is love.
Stranger: I personally am grateful to have such a awesome, handsome, talented on screen boyfriend.
You: People also misunderstand the Bible quite a lot. Sodom and Gomorrah weren't torched for having gay people in it. They were torched because of their pride.
You: Aww, shucks.
You: I should study Latin again, I think. Read the Bible some more. I will be able to win more arguments for the cause with such strong backing.
You: I didn't have as many A&D awards as you back in high school, but I could drive a point home, when I needed to.
You: Hey, Colfer.
You: Colfer.
Stranger: Mm?
You: What kind of dirt would Carson have had on you?
You: Like, I know how you answered at Tribeca, but you can tell me.
You: You have more dirt on me than I do you.
You: Hmm... I like that last part.
You: Heheheh.
Stranger: Ok, Dare. I love you but you need to slow down. I can't type as fast as you and by the time I can comment on one thing, you've switched topics. :P
You: Okay.
Stranger: Thank you, haha.
Stranger: Ok, right. Dirt. Hm...
You: Sorry, this is the sugar talking. Typing. Whatever.
Stranger: S'ok.
Stranger: I dunno; I was bullied a lot. I was overweight...I really went through some rough times emotionally with Hannah being in and out of hospitals...
Stranger: I was...figuring myself out sexually, which lead to some very awkward moments...I suppose, that I underminded the bullys in such a way that they weren't intelligent enough to catch on, so...in some ways I was just as bad as they were.
You: That's not dirt, though. Those are just facts. Nothing to be ashamed of.
You: I was the coolest kid in school, but people always made fun of me for being hairy.
Stranger: I would do mean things back at them and they didn't have a clue.
You: Like what?
Stranger: You are kinda hairy, why do you think Ryan made you wax your chest.
You: Enough about me. Tell me about your past. :)
Stranger: Why are you so interested?
Stranger: Its past for a reason.
You: Okay. I just... I just want to know more about you.
Stranger: Ok...fine, I'll tell you a few...
You: People fascinate me.
You: I also want to know more than the rest of the world about what made you who you are -- the overachieving, very precocious Christopher Paul Colfer.
You: You will be my boss one day. I might as well start to get to know you.
Stranger: Well one time, I replaced this popular cheerleader's hair spray with spray paint. Another time I distroyed this jock's book report on purpose so he ended up failing the class...god, this is stupid. These things make me a horrible person...
You: Those flaws make you human.
You: Do you want me to sing you the song I wrote about being human? :D
Stranger: I've heard it, hon.
Stranger: But thanks.
You: Because we all know how RARE vocal performances from me are. :D
You: Aww.
You: :P
Stranger: <3
Stranger: And by the way, I'll never be your boss. The studio who purchases the screenplay will be.
You: Details, details.
Stranger: :P
Stranger: So how are things going with you and Mia?
You: Mia. Funny how her name means "mine" in Italian but she never really feels like she is, you know, mine.
You: She is her own person, and I like that most of the time, except when I don't.
Stranger: I can imagine it's difficult being a part so long and stuff. I myself don't even bother with relationships I'm so busy.
Stranger: apart*
You: I suppose there's that, and the fact that she and I have grown apart in so many ways in the past year as well.
Stranger: :( I'm sorry, Dare. She's a nice girl but if the affection isn't there...maybe its for the best.
You: We tried to patch it up, really we did, but we ended up just agreeing to be really close friends without benefits. :)
You: Actually, I found myself gravitating towards this other person, but I don't think they'll give me the time of day.
Stranger: Do I know them?
You: Oh, yeah. I'm sure you've seen them around.
Stranger: I say...go for it, you're a great guy Dare, anyone would be lucky to be given a chance with you.
You: We live in a very small world, after all.
You: Not everyone. This person... well.
You: Let's just say they're going to be really big someday. Like supernova stellar big. I'll just be this tiny pulsar in comparison -- tons of energy, but not as much light. Sure I'll be giving off regular beats, but this person's light will outshine a million nebulae and for a sustained period of time.
Stranger: Dare...
You: Spectacular storyweaver, that person, even though they can barely type. Or spell.
Stranger: If you care about this person, and they care or can learn to care about you the same way, that sorta stuff shouldn't matter...
Stranger: Wait...
You: That's just it. How could such a person care about someone like me?
Stranger: Freeze, Criss.
You: Frozen.
Stranger: A-are you...ok this is gonna sound really self-centered or whatever...but are you talking about...m-me?
You: Yes.
Stranger: ...wow.
You: Aww, shit.
You: I knew it would turn out like this.
Stranger: No!
You: Forget I said anything, okay?
Stranger: No, no, no. I'm just...surprise, but pleasently so.
Stranger: surprised*
You: If you're laughing, Colfer, this really isn't the time.
Stranger: I'm not, I'm...sorta in a state of shock.
Stranger: I had a HUGE crush on you since AVPM, but once you came on Glee and were with Mia and so friendly....I just figured there was no need ruining potential awesome friendship over petty feelings that clearly arn't going to be returned...
Stranger: So...I ignored them.
You: Look, I am not going to play into a thousand fan fiction plotlines and jump into bed with you. I'm not like that.
You: I may be a gay Catholic boy, but I am a Catholic boy and I will wine and dine you and let you wine and dine me until we get this sorted out.
Stranger: I know, I wouldn't expect you to. Thats not you.
You: I'm gay, Chris.
You: I can't say I'm sorry that it took me this long because I genuinely didn't know.
Stranger: I know, hon. I don't blame you.
Stranger: I blame myself, if anything.
Stranger: I should have just been open about how I felt, but lord knows that would have just made things awkward.
You: I'll pick you up at eight pm tomorrow.
You: I checked your schedule and I am going to cancel everything I have lined up for tomorrow.
Stranger: O-ok. Where are we going?
You: This little hole-in-the-wall I found a few days ago.
You: All the other famous people go there. Small bar-grill-resto.
Stranger: Sounds lovely, I look forward to it. :)
You: I've... kind of been doing gigs there for a month now, constantly dedicating songs to you.
You: If I bring you there, it'll be old, old news.
Stranger: Wow...I'm surprised that hasn't leaked to the rags.
Stranger: Is there a dress code?
Stranger: What should I wear?
You: Please. The other patrons are famous. The owner is also famous. He has bigger fish to fry.
You: Nope. It's come as you are. They don't mind that I don't wear socks. :D
Stranger: Haha, fair enough. Hey, Dare? I'm glad...we can try this. :)
You: Me, too. Just one thing, okay?
Stranger: Shoot.
You: I want to be your boyfriend, make no mistake.
You: However I also want to continue being your buddy. If that changes, I will miss this too much.
Stranger: I fully agree with that. Friendship above all else, regardless of the outcome.
You: Also, I want you to know that you will not be anyone's dirty little secret. If we work this out and you decide and I'm not so bad, I will ask you to write a blurb in my solo album, and we will tell the world there.
You: That way, only our real fans will know first.
You: I would hate to take the spotlight away from a Glee CD, and I have no business being in your movie's credits, but the songs I write, they were inspired by you. Your writing belongs in my album.
Stranger: You've really thought this through, I'm impressed. :) I'm on board.
You: I'm not one to follow fan fiction plotlines. Believe me, I have read every one.
You: I did not just say that. O_O
Stranger: Oh but you did!
Stranger: Why would you put yourself through that, having the feelings you do?
You: Because I'm a goober?
Stranger: Fair enough.
Stranger: <3
You: Hey! You didn't have to agree!
Stranger: :P
Stranger: D'aww. I'm just teasing.
You: No fan fiction would ever even begin to fathom what I feel for you, though.
You: I doubt even the depths of space could contain its magnitude.
You: You mean the universe to me, Chris. Not just the world.
Stranger: Dare, seriously, you've got me blushing like crazy over here. And at this rate, a little teary eyed too. Haha.
You: Well, get used to it. Pulsars give off regular beats. :)
Stranger: You have no idea...how much this all means to me, and how much you mean to me.
You: You have no idea how much you mean to me, either.
You: I've already asked Chuck to help me put together a harana for you.
You: Yet another one of the perks of being from an interracial household. :D
Stranger: Well, thats very sweet. :)
You: You're not even going to ask what a harana is?
You: What if it's an atomic bomb, huh?
Stranger: Not a clue, but if its from you I'll cherish it.
You: It's a serenade.
Stranger: Ok, I'll definitly cry through that. Happy tears, though.
You: Of course, I won't be singing in Filipino because you wouldn't understand a word (I probably wouldn't understand most of it, either), but you can expect me on random nights to hang out just outside your window with a guitar and my brother / wingman and singing love songs. :D
Stranger: God, this has to be a dream.
You: I'll win you over yet, you'll see.
Stranger: You already have.
You: You ain't seen nothing yet.
You: :D
Stranger: The best relationships start off as friends....like we are.
You: I'll write songs for you, and immortalize what I feel for you in music.
Stranger: I'll be able to do the same in writing.
Stranger: Though...with better spelling.
You: Do me a favor though.
You: Write me a little taller? XD
Stranger: Sure, hobbit. :P
You: Whatever, Legolas.
Stranger: Hey, Orlando Bloom is hot, I take that as a compliment.
Stranger: :P
You: You should. :D
You: But he's not my type.
Stranger: Plus, he's got the cool bow thing.
You: No else will ever be my type, though.
You: I like gifted screenwriters with angelic voices who like to hum my songs without even thinking about it.
Stranger: ...oh, you've heard that, huh? And the blushing continues.
You: Knowing that something I made is in your head when you're going about your work, I feel very close to you.
You: It's like you have a part of my heart and soul inside you but that's okay because I will never want it back.
Stranger: You really ought to be a poet. <3
You: I will watch all the movies you write and I will read all the books you create and I will driven and moved to think differently.
You: Well, I do write songs.
You: :D
Stranger: Heh. Well, I'm really excited about tomorrow. I suppose I should let you go so I can pick out just exactly what's perfect enough to wear. God, I'm turning into Kurt.
You: No, you're not. I wouldn't date you if you were Kurt.
You: But you are Chris Colfer, and I want EVERY. SINGLE. PART. OF. YOU.
You: See you at eight tomorrow. :D
Stranger: Tomorrow. :)
You: I'm going to go find a high balcony, a flying carpet, and a strong breeze, so I can do that "YES!" scene from Aladdin.
You: But not before I take you on a magic carpet ride first. Yeah.
You: :D
You: So, uh... you disconnect. :)
Stranger: Goober, haha. Night. <3 (i'm not really disconnecting, haha)
You: Well, I'm not disconnecting. :P
You: So there.
You: You disconnect. :D
Stranger: But I like talking to you.
You: I LOVE talking to you. And staring at you when you're not looking. And watching you sleep. Why do you think I picked that spot across the carpet?
Stranger: Ok, watching me sleep? Borders on creepy. :P
You: You love it.
You: Besides, I was totally making sure that no monsters got you.
Stranger: Ok, well that makes sense.
Stranger: Monsters arn't pleasent.
You: You were sleeping on chairs that had legs. A boogieman could easily fit underneath. I can't have the boogieman kidnapping you, nuh-uh.
You: Not on my watch. So naturally, I kept an eye on you.
You: I don't need sleep, you know.
Stranger: Well, if we're gonna stay up and talk anyhow...why don't you just come over and we'll have a mini-date here. Order in Chinese, watch a movie, ya know?
You: Nope, not Chinese. I'm bringing in Pinoy food. You're going to be part of my family one day, you'll have to get used to the food. :_
Stranger: Ok then, I'll be waiting.
You: Just between you and me, it's better.
You: See you in five minutes, even though it usually takes ten to get ther.
You: See you later, sweet prince.
You: You disconnect.
You: :D
Stranger: Oh lord, fine. *disconnects*
***I HAD SO MUCH FUN PLAYING CHRIS IN THIS, WEEEE!***